A question of debate

I am not one to normally watch shows like "Toddlers & Tiaras" but there is a draw to it at times. I suppose its more of a morbid curiosity as to WHY mothers do the things they do to their children that they do on that show. You see kids having to be bribed into "practicing", forced into fittings and visits to the dentist for "flippers" because heaven forbid a child of age 6 not have all their teeth. There is no doubt that children like Eden Wood are very pretty little girls. Who wouldnt think that photos like these are pretty?

But to me these images are not of a little girl. These are images of a doll ~ little girls dont have perfect hair, little girls dont have perfect teeth...Pretty? Yes. Realistic? Nope....

What really bothers me is how "sexualised" these young girls are They are encouraged to wear "slutty" outfits, they are taught to "shake their tush"  to dance often times routines that could very easily be seen at the local strip clubs. To me thats disturbing. I find it sad that in today society things like breast feeding a baby is considered "poronographic" but dressing a child like this is found socially acceptable.

While the photos I am using are of Eden Woods, I am no way saying that she is the only one. The internet is flooded with these types of images. I chose Eden solely because she is one of the better known pageant girls. And while I agree Eden is one very pretty little girl, I often wonder exactly how much of it is her choice, as I do with many of the girls on this show. I also wonder how these young girls are going to be effected later in life. When Eden hits those teenage years, is she going to appreciate that her face is plastered all over the internet?

The "Joy" of taking kids to the store.

As many moms can relate I am sure, there is a typical sense of dread when you are faced with taking kids shopping. I don't care if you have one or twenty kids. There is the dread of lines, potential fits, the complaining, and dealing with the bordom as you shop to get the daily nessisittys. Now some moms, like myself, keep a pretty tight rein on their children in the store. Trying to impress upon the children safety, manners and proper behavior.

Then you have other parents who dont care how their child is behaving. There is always that one child, running a muck in the store. Hands all over the products, yelling, making messes of the displays ect. Often times this is the same child/children who are throwing fits in the checkout line because they want something and have been told no.Leaving the rest of the shoppers in the store, cringing at the high pitch squeals while the parents sit there oblivious to the discomphort of those around them.

Not that my children are perfect mind you. But I make it a point to ensure that my children are considerate of others. If I have a child who is behaving inappropriately I am not against just leaving. I have done it several times ~ and my children know I am not apposed to leaving. Not only will they not get anything special for a long time, but they will also be punished for forcing us to leave. (Often times an early bedtime and the threat of a tuna fish sandwich for dinner is enough to change their mind). I am quick to remove a tantruming child to the car ~ and have on more then one occasion been thanked by other patrons for doing so.

While I realise that every parent has a diffrent level of what they find "acceptable" when it comes to behavior. There are social norms that I do feel need to be stressed to children ~ even when they are young. For example when K "dances" while standing waiting for me to fill the cart with groceries. And I see her "kicks" and spins are disturbing others in the isle I point it out to her. Often times ~ she stops on her own after its pointed out she is disturbing others and that its not the time/place for that behavior. Now I find that my children point out to each other when they pick up on those very important social cues. To me its a sign I am doing my job correctly. My children are learning to think beyond themselves. 

The Christmas Season is now upon us

The Christmas season is now upon us. It is a time for most that is happy, joyful and fun. There is a magical feel during the Christmas season, when many children are reminded that they have to be good or Santa will not visit them. Its a magical time where children are children, their eyes sparkle with anticipation of the surprises that they know will arrive in such a short amount of time.


The Christmas season is a season of mixed emotions for me. Ten years ago I lost my father to a sudden heart attack on Christmas Eve. This is a bittersweet thing for me, My father LOVED the holidays. It was his favorite time of year. It gave him an excuse to set up his toy trains, the lights, the sounds and smells of Christmas where heavenly for him. It was one of the few times a year my father would go to church. I often went with him on these rare occasions.

One of our favorite holiday traditions was to go shopping on Christmas eve...Thats right my father and I would go to the mall on Christmas eve. Not to shop ~ but to people watch. My dad got a kick out of watching people scurring around trying at the last minute to find things for loved ones...We would laugh and comment between us about the crazy shoppers and try and guess the reason why they where so frantic...The guy at the jewelry store, middle aged. Obviously must be there to try and kiss up to his wife for SOMETHING he did right? The mom with kids in tow? Probably has her Inlaws showing up unexpectedly.....Yup we would guess and we would talk and have just loads of fun.

When my father passed I couldnt stand to look at anything Christmas. It would make me cry, and send me into total depression. Of course it has gotten better of the years. The thought that my fathers last views of this earth was him sitting in his chair next to the Christmas tree ~ used to make me bawl. Now I find comphort in it. Because Dad loved Christmas so...There are joyous things to remember now that help to ease the pain of losing my Dad. This Christmas will be the two year anniversry of Dave proposing to me. The twins will celebrate their first Christmas...and our entire family will be together. There is nothing that I would ever want more.

So this Chistmas season I am remembering my father. I am remembering the man who raised me as his own, who gave me the respect I have for "step parents" who willingly take on the roll of raising another persons children. This Christmas I am thankful that I can look at Christmas lights and smile...

I love you Dad and I miss you. ....

Happy Thanksgiving too all!

Just a note to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. As is traditional in our family we celebrated the holiday with lots of friends and family. Lots of food, good conversations and plenty of fun had by all. Tradition for us also states we go around the table and share what it is we are thankful for. Even the kids are expected to share, and they did an excellent job! I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday and stays safe!

What is family?

This time of year you hear many people who are thankful for their family. But who exactly do they mean? Do they mean just their spouse and kids? Maybe their moms, dads, in-laws? Aunts? Uncles? Exactly who is included under the title of "family"? In this day and age there are so many diffrent types of famlies. There are traditional famlies, with Dad and mom, siblings. There are some homes with Just one parent, some with two dads, some with two moms. In some cases grandparents are raising their grandchildren. In others an aunt or an uncle has taken on the challenge or raising children whos biological parents are unable to care for them. Then there are the homes and famlies that have no children ~ Either by choice or inablity to have them. Is blood or marriage the only way one gets dubbed as family? What about those friends who have been there through thick and thin? Who in many ways have been there when your "family" has not been? Are they family too?

For myself the answers are easy. My family is anyone I share blood with, anyone who shares blood with my children. Some find it odd, but this does include my "ex" in-laws. If you share blood with my kids, you are family. Period. Then there is those few select friends who "qualify" as family as well. The children are lucky enough to have several aunts and uncles who share not one drop of blood. It doesnt matter to them that Uncle Jason doesnt share DNA. What matters to them is that he likes to make them laugh, is always up for bear hugs and never fails to say hello. Or Aunt Judy ~ who is always full of hugs and kisses. Is a super fun baby sitter and cuts their hair just like they want it. These are things that they care about.

So this Thanksgiving when I hear people say "Im thankful for my family" in the back of my mind I know that they really mean "I am thankful for those who have touched my life in one way or another."

Whats so hard about it?

I get that not everyone feels the same way that I do about blended family's. I understand that when dealing with blended family's it can be a very hard thing as each one "blends" differently. Dave and I are very vocal and upfront about how we handle our family. Its quite simple ~ there is ZERO distinction between our kids. We expect the extended families to treat each child exactly the same. Wither there is a blood tie or not to them. Most our family "gets" that, and amazingly most are pretty good about following our "guide lines". Some however just don't get it, and truly it frustrates me. I hate having to "correct" family when I see them being unfair to the other kids. I'm sorry but I don't sit back and let people destroy the unity that we have created. We have one set of grandparents that are just now ~ nearly three years into our relationship ~ who are trying to understand it. Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to accept that while you share no blood with this person they are in fact family now? I don't get why it has taken so long either. Well I do ~ they refused to accept any part of our family until they had no other choice. But that is a topic for another day. Tonight these said grandparents came to visit. These visits are very testing for all of us ~ there is a lot of "bad blood" that we are trying to let go for the benefit of our children who do have attachments to them. While we are trying to do the right thing its so very hard sometimes. Especially when you are having to correct the grandparents behavior ~ and trust me they are VERY unwilling to change. I know it will get better with time...hopefully. But I have to try and be positive. Even when in truth I want to give them the boot and say that our children have more then enough people who love and care for them, and we don't need your bull!

The Season of Thanks

The leaves have all turned to wonderful oranges, yellows and reds. The kids are bundled in their coats at the bus stops. Their breath becoming more visible every day. Ahh yes, its time for the season of giving thanks. I love this time of year for several reasons, and hate it just as much sometimes. But it is the season of thanks and I have so much to be thankful for.
Of course I am thankful for my family most of all. We have had some very trying years lately. But we have made it through in one piece and stronger then ever. I am thankful for my Loving husband, a man who sometimes I wonder how he does it. Hes thoughtful and kind, pushes himself to the limits to try and make everyone happy.  He is one of those men that are truly one in a million. I am thankful for my "A". Such an amazing young lady who has a heart of gold. She always does her best, and even though she has so much to overcome in her life, she has stood up to the challenge. I love my big girl for the amazing young lady I see blossoming before my eyes. I am thankful for my "middle daughter"  "K", She always has a smile on her face. Loves to dance, and spin...and often times dance and spins her away around the house as she does her chores. She is a stubborn independent child ~ much like yours truly.. But she has a kind soul and very giving. I am thankful for my son "F". The boy knows how to test your patience but his smile and giggles are infectious...Hes a prankster and often times play jokes that make you roll your eyes. Hes very much like his father in that respect. I am thankful for the twins T1 and T2. Our little miracles. I have no clue how I got to be so blessed, but experiencing what I have with these two gives me an amazing view on life. If I can survive this..I can survive anything...=)

The Act of Self Expression

As a parent, you have probably always had an image as how you wanted your family to look. For most its a case of a spouse, 2.5 kids, the dog, and the white picket fence. Ok so maybe this isnt your version of how you want to see your family but you get my point. But  what to do when your children get to the age where they want a say in how they look?

This has been a ongoing issue in our house with our older girls. Dave and I strongly believe that girls should have long hair. Our girls have decided that they do not want long hair anymore. They view it as "babyish" and have decided that they want their hair shorter. We have gone back and forth on the issue, we have tried to compromise and that has worked for a while. But again, the issue was brought up. To my husband and I its the end of what we view our "perfect family" should look like. It is a hard thing to swallow, but as my husband put it tonight, we allow our children to express themselves in every other way. We encourage our children to pick out their clothes, often finding them in very interesting combinations of clothes.  We have endured the miss matched shoes, the plaid and stripe combos and my favorite the skirts with pants under neath...But clothes can be changed in a moment, When the family pictures need to be taken a simple wear this now, you can change when we got home is all that's necessary. But Hair? Hair is something that takes a while,, that isn't easily changed back and forth. So the question remains ~ to let them cut it, or not?

We opted to allow our girls to cut their hair. It would be hypocritical not to. And so for the first time since they where babies ~ A and K now have shoulder length hair. Its the starting of a new era here at the Aerni house. Our family photo will reflect a turning of the page and better still. It will be a reflection for us that life isn't exactly as you may have pictured it, but it still moves on. The best thing that you can do is smile...and you know we all will be. =)

When Mom is down and out...

When mom is down and out what are you going to do? Well when your a member of the Aerni home you suck it up, and call in reinforcements!

This last week we have been forced to do just that. A few weeks ago a Dr. visit gave me the news that I knew was coming. I was going to have to have a hysterectomy.. I am not one who likes to be taken care of ~ I am the one to take care of everyone else. But I know that this is something that I need to do, and it will be better off in the long run. So when I know I am going to be down, I call in the reinforcements. Who would I call? Well Grandma of course!

Grandma T is the lucky one who was able to come this time around. She lives in Texas but we are fortunate enough that she works for Southwest Airlines so getting up here to visit and help out isnt that big of a deal. All of the children love their Grandma T. They get to do fun things with grandma that mommy would never allow. Like banana splits, with chocolate, strawberries AND all three  flavors of ice cream. Grandma T has a love of shoes ~ one shared by K. So shoe shopping is almost always on the list of things to do. But Grandma T's main job while she is here is to force me to take care of myself. Yes I tend to be stubborn ~ I try and do too much too quick. But who can blame me? I have to make sure my family is cared for, thats my "job"' and I am not one to be a slacker. Grandma T is a huge help ~ she does everything that I would. So that really helps me. I dont feel the need to try and do it myself, a big help when you are trying to keep me down. Its  always helpful to have someone who can dive right in, and at least manage to tred water when it comes to keeping my family afloat. Not that I am one to gloat, but really having a large family is a different beast then most people are used to. It can be very over whelming to people. Most people have a  hard time balancing the needs of one or two people. But when you are having to balance the needs of 5 children, over whelming seems like a insignificant word to use.

Thankfully I get my love of large family from my mom. While my mom only had two children, our house was always filled with "extras". It was not uncommon for us to have a large number of people sitting around the dinner table nearly every night. I learned to cook to "feed an army" as the general rule of thumb was there better be enough for all who showed up. While the faces around the dinner table often changed, the fact that the seats around the table where almost always full always left an impression on me. Now in  my adult life, I am proud to say that I have done the same thing ~ my table while full with my own children. Is frequented by several others who refer to this as home too. No matter how full our table may be, there is always room for one more. =}

But even with being used to a full crew,  my 5 can be a handful for even Grandma T. The biggest difference is the twins. Having 2 babies who are still very much  dependent on you for everything is daunting. When people think of feeding time for a baby most figure 15-20 minutes tops. With twins? Try an hour at least from start to finish. You figure the twins get fed 3 meals a day, that's 3 hours a  day solely to prepare, feed, and clean up meal times, just for the twins. Doesn't count the older three kids or my hubby and myself! That's just feeding ~ add diapers, bottles, and of course keeping them entertained and out of trouble and most people are more then exhausted at the end of the day. There really  is a major diffrence with twins. Its not just "two babies" its so much more tiring then just "double everything". Its like running a marathon that never ends.

You do get used to it eventually, but it does take time. I am sure my mom is very thankful she is back at home now with her "kids" who are  still at home. (My mom is raising my cousins, and has been for the last eight years). Thankfully they are all older now and pretty much can care for themselves. I am sure of one thing, my mom will be very thankful for the sleep! I think she had forgotten what it was like to get up several times a night. =)

The Magic of Sprinkles

I am sure that every parent has used the bribery method at some point. "If you clean your room, we will go get ice cream!" I am sure is a phrase that has been used more times then can ever be counted. But why do parents use the bribery method? Its easy, because it wo
We have a "game day" tradition with our kids. After every game ~ win or loss ~ we go for ice cream to celebrate a game well played. So how do we reward our kids for being extra good on game day? With Sprinkles of course! Those magical multicolored globs of sugar have now symbolized how well our child has played the game. "I earned sprinkles today!" is a phrase that I love to hear. Not because my child will now bounce off the walls that much more. But rather it means that they are proud of an accomplishment they achieved. Even if its just a sprinkling of extra sugar that gave them that extra umph to do so.

Our First Blog!

Thats right! I finally did it. I finally created our blog. It seems to be the "cool" thing to do lately. Everyone has blogs anymore. Even my friends dog has one, so it only seemed appropriate that we did too. I mean everyone finds us intresting it seems. We are stopped constantly in stores and seem to make a general scene everywhere we go. So it should mean that people want to read our blog right? I suppose we shall see in time. But for now I guess I should prepare for our fans and introduce the family.

I will start with myself I suppose. I am Summer, and it is my job as the Stay at home parent to try and bring organization to out otherwise chaotic world. I was born in Alaska, but spent the majority of my childhood in Nevada. I now currently reside in Washington state with my family. I am your typical "soccor mom". I drive a mini van, and yes I love my "stretchy" clothes.

Next is the love of my life. Dave. We have been together for nearly 3 years. He is the most amazing man I know. He is an exceptional father, a thoughtful and kind partner. Best of all hes mine =} We are obviously what most call a "blended" family. We have his, hers and ours...and now for our children.

I am going to list our children oldest to youngest. It seems the logical way to do it.

Our oldest daughter "A" I shall call her, is an amazing young lady. "A" was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. I have worked and worked and worked with "A" since she was young. Its been a struggle from her diagnosis to now. But its been a path that in many ways has prepared me for my life now. "A" is now in a regular ed 5th grade class room. She has lots of "extra" help but she is doing very well. She has decided to pick up Bass this year. It should be a fun year. Combined with her Archery lessons she has opted for this fall she is doing her part to keep us on our toes. "A" is my daughter from my first marriage.

Next is "K". "K" is a first grader this year. She is one smart cookie! She is our fashion queen, who loves to dress up and has a sense of style all her own. If anyone can pull off stripes, plaids and flowers its "K". She is a bubbly young lady who loves to help people. She is our "Diva" child by far. She is our athletic child, who can go from Soccer to Gymnastics in a blink of an eye and excel at both. "K" has opted for Soccor this fall and I look forward to watching her play. "K" is full sister to "A" above.

Next is "F" my step son. Dave's son from a previous relationship. "F" is generally a quite boy with a smile that wins hearts quickly. He loves cars, and getting dirty. He is very curious child, always wanting to know how things work. "F" is in Kindergarten this year. We are super excited to see him grow and blossom this year! He is taking soccer as well and I am hoping to include boy scouts as well.  "F" has been the center of a major custody battle for the last three years. Between Dave and his biological mother. I am happy to say that is now all over and behind us. "F" is now a full time member of our household.

After "F" comes "T1" and "T2". Boy/girl Fraternal twins. These are "Ours". And complete the "Aerni family of 7". Twins was a real shocker for us, having zero twins in my family, when we tried for "ours" to complete our family. Twins was the last thing on our minds. It has been an intresting time. Our lives certinaly have not been the same. The Twins are now eight months old ~ they are moving around, crawling and scooting to thier hearts content. Causing a general mess for the most part. But they are healthy, happy and that makes us happy.

So there you have it. The Aerni family. While in this blog I have refered to the children as "full siblings" and "Step son" in our house as a rule these terms do not exist. They are Dave's and I's children. They are brothers and sisters. There is zero distinction other then that. In the start of our relationship, Dave and I made it a point to not use such terms. I am not a "step mother" and he is not "step father". We are parents. We have chosen together to raise our children under one umbrella ~ the one of family.  A very important point for both of us.

How do you do it?

This one simple question is one that I hear repeated over and over. "How do you do it? How do you have enough patience to care for so many kids? I can hardly handle my own!" I hear this statement a lot. I always respond the same way. Planning and organization! I can not stress enough how much planning has saved my butt.

There are many ways that planning helps. I don't mean just for large families either. I mean for everyone. I am not one of those over crazed people who plan every minute of their child's day. My kids have schedules and routines that are not so ridged we fall apart of we don't follow them, but rather serve as a guideline for what needs to be done. The first step to making a family schedule is to set priorities. Each planned activity should have a purpose and a priority. For example, Soccer ~ yes it provides physical activity for the kids. It also serves other purposes. It works on coordination, sportsmanship, team work. Archery? Provides hand eye coordination, fine motor skill and demands attention to details.

These are extra curricular activities yes, but they serve to also improve on our children's skills in areas that they do need to work on to be well rounded. Now for us priority rank is academic, social, physical needs. A's Tutoring is more important then her Archery..If there is a conflict in schedule ~ archery goes, tutoring stays.
When dealing with multiple children, each child needs to be represented. If everything is about child #1 then child #2 will feel left out. We try and solve this issue by allowing each child to pick 1 activity per season to participate in. We give them the catalog from the local YMCA and see what they feel is fun. We let them pick ~ then discuss their pick. Yes sometimes we veto ~ but overall we let the child pick their activity and build our schedule around them. There are bound to be conflicts, and sometimes you have ask the children to pick something else. (We usually gauge how important this activity is to the individuals needs and then ask the one that fills the least amount of need to change)

The next big thing is keeping everything straight. How can you keep track of everything? Well in the "old" days day planners where a moms best friend. But now days? A smart phone is! I found a really cool app fory phone in the android market. Its called Cozi. It is a wonderful App and so far no real complaints about it. This neat little app has been a life saver. Not only does it allow me to keep track of whose where and when they should be there.(It has a neat "repeats" option so you only have to enter soccer practice on monday 1 time and the app auto adds it every monday there after!)  You can program it to notify you about something. And not just you either. If say I set up a Dr. appointment for Dave, and I have no need to be there/be reminded. I can have Cozi remind just Dave of his appointment. But say its an appointment for the twins and we both need to know, I can set it up to notify both of us. Best of all Dave or I can alter the schedule to allow Dave to add things too. He never has any doubt when to make that dentist appointment because he has our schedule right in the palm of his hand. It doesn't just have a schedule either, it also includes a grocery list and journal options as well. So if Dave uses all the milk, he can add it to shopping list. And for me ~ who half the time would forget my head if it where not attached...I always have my grocery list as long as I have my phone. (Which I don't ever leave home without!)

I also have a visual calender that I keep up in the dining room for the children. This way they know which days they have soccer, which days are "free" days and helps them keep track of when there is a birthday comming up, or a extra day off school. This is an important  thing for them and helps them feel like they have a say in whats going on as well. The "Mom I want to stay over at (insert friends house) on Friday night!" are much easier to handle when you can say look at the schedule what does it say? It also helps teach them time and patience. (No really, your friends party isnt till next week!) Getting a schedule started is the hardest part. The rest is just maintenance and easy to keep up changing things little by little.

Adventures in Soccer

This week the Aerni family embarked an a memorable adventure. We started Soccer for F & K. I never knew how horribly funny it could be to watch 5&6 year olds play soccer. Now the kids play on a small team. At this age 4-5 players on a team max is typical, at least in our league. Our team consists of a wide range of kids. We have a total of 5, Three boys and 2 girls. Our team consists of a boy who we refer to as "all star" the kid has moves for being so young. I am sure however he is the youngest in his family and has probably been playing soccer with his older siblings for years now. Then we have another boy, he is still learning, but doesn't give up. Hes always right in there and you can truly see this child is giving his all. I am sure its for the approval of his parents who I will add are always cheering him from the sidelines. Then we have the other girl on the team. It is very obvious that this child has zero interest in being on the soccer field. She has a melt down nearly every time she is there. The first practice I think her parents touched the soccer ball more then she did. They are quite enthusiastic about having her play...her? Not so much. She wears pink everything ~ they even found pink shin guards ~ I am sure to try and bribe her into playing. I feel for this girl she has zero fun

Then you have our kids. K has never really played soccer before but she is picking up pretty quickly. She is VERY competitive and I am confident the biggest thrill she gets out of the entire thing is trying to "beat" the other kids. She needs to work on the whole "team" aspect of things. Once she gets the ball in a game she doesn't want to give it up to anyone! Then there is F. F isnt sure yet if he likes it or not I dont think. He really doesnt like physical activity that much ~ something that we are working hard to change.

Our game consists of Super Star gaining control of the ball, K chasing trying to get it from him, The boy who trys his hardest trailing behind, and F or the I dont want to be here girl following the other kids around...kinda..F usually tries to cover the goal and stop the ball from going in ~ not exacty the thing to do when your teams trying to score..but hey he tries! And the other girl kinda follows way behind everyone else. When there is a collision ~ usually it involves a melt down and "they did it on purpose!" Pink girl tends to cry if her pink gets dirty. Our first game I sat and spent the entire game muffling laughs ~ and cheering for every child who tried to get the ball. It was a great time had by all ~ except T1 who cried every time there was cheering. I do think that boy has his fathers sensitive ears....