Happy Thanksgiving too all!

Just a note to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. As is traditional in our family we celebrated the holiday with lots of friends and family. Lots of food, good conversations and plenty of fun had by all. Tradition for us also states we go around the table and share what it is we are thankful for. Even the kids are expected to share, and they did an excellent job! I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday and stays safe!

What is family?

This time of year you hear many people who are thankful for their family. But who exactly do they mean? Do they mean just their spouse and kids? Maybe their moms, dads, in-laws? Aunts? Uncles? Exactly who is included under the title of "family"? In this day and age there are so many diffrent types of famlies. There are traditional famlies, with Dad and mom, siblings. There are some homes with Just one parent, some with two dads, some with two moms. In some cases grandparents are raising their grandchildren. In others an aunt or an uncle has taken on the challenge or raising children whos biological parents are unable to care for them. Then there are the homes and famlies that have no children ~ Either by choice or inablity to have them. Is blood or marriage the only way one gets dubbed as family? What about those friends who have been there through thick and thin? Who in many ways have been there when your "family" has not been? Are they family too?

For myself the answers are easy. My family is anyone I share blood with, anyone who shares blood with my children. Some find it odd, but this does include my "ex" in-laws. If you share blood with my kids, you are family. Period. Then there is those few select friends who "qualify" as family as well. The children are lucky enough to have several aunts and uncles who share not one drop of blood. It doesnt matter to them that Uncle Jason doesnt share DNA. What matters to them is that he likes to make them laugh, is always up for bear hugs and never fails to say hello. Or Aunt Judy ~ who is always full of hugs and kisses. Is a super fun baby sitter and cuts their hair just like they want it. These are things that they care about.

So this Thanksgiving when I hear people say "Im thankful for my family" in the back of my mind I know that they really mean "I am thankful for those who have touched my life in one way or another."

Whats so hard about it?

I get that not everyone feels the same way that I do about blended family's. I understand that when dealing with blended family's it can be a very hard thing as each one "blends" differently. Dave and I are very vocal and upfront about how we handle our family. Its quite simple ~ there is ZERO distinction between our kids. We expect the extended families to treat each child exactly the same. Wither there is a blood tie or not to them. Most our family "gets" that, and amazingly most are pretty good about following our "guide lines". Some however just don't get it, and truly it frustrates me. I hate having to "correct" family when I see them being unfair to the other kids. I'm sorry but I don't sit back and let people destroy the unity that we have created. We have one set of grandparents that are just now ~ nearly three years into our relationship ~ who are trying to understand it. Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to accept that while you share no blood with this person they are in fact family now? I don't get why it has taken so long either. Well I do ~ they refused to accept any part of our family until they had no other choice. But that is a topic for another day. Tonight these said grandparents came to visit. These visits are very testing for all of us ~ there is a lot of "bad blood" that we are trying to let go for the benefit of our children who do have attachments to them. While we are trying to do the right thing its so very hard sometimes. Especially when you are having to correct the grandparents behavior ~ and trust me they are VERY unwilling to change. I know it will get better with time...hopefully. But I have to try and be positive. Even when in truth I want to give them the boot and say that our children have more then enough people who love and care for them, and we don't need your bull!

The Season of Thanks

The leaves have all turned to wonderful oranges, yellows and reds. The kids are bundled in their coats at the bus stops. Their breath becoming more visible every day. Ahh yes, its time for the season of giving thanks. I love this time of year for several reasons, and hate it just as much sometimes. But it is the season of thanks and I have so much to be thankful for.
Of course I am thankful for my family most of all. We have had some very trying years lately. But we have made it through in one piece and stronger then ever. I am thankful for my Loving husband, a man who sometimes I wonder how he does it. Hes thoughtful and kind, pushes himself to the limits to try and make everyone happy.  He is one of those men that are truly one in a million. I am thankful for my "A". Such an amazing young lady who has a heart of gold. She always does her best, and even though she has so much to overcome in her life, she has stood up to the challenge. I love my big girl for the amazing young lady I see blossoming before my eyes. I am thankful for my "middle daughter"  "K", She always has a smile on her face. Loves to dance, and spin...and often times dance and spins her away around the house as she does her chores. She is a stubborn independent child ~ much like yours truly.. But she has a kind soul and very giving. I am thankful for my son "F". The boy knows how to test your patience but his smile and giggles are infectious...Hes a prankster and often times play jokes that make you roll your eyes. Hes very much like his father in that respect. I am thankful for the twins T1 and T2. Our little miracles. I have no clue how I got to be so blessed, but experiencing what I have with these two gives me an amazing view on life. If I can survive this..I can survive anything...=)

The Act of Self Expression

As a parent, you have probably always had an image as how you wanted your family to look. For most its a case of a spouse, 2.5 kids, the dog, and the white picket fence. Ok so maybe this isnt your version of how you want to see your family but you get my point. But  what to do when your children get to the age where they want a say in how they look?

This has been a ongoing issue in our house with our older girls. Dave and I strongly believe that girls should have long hair. Our girls have decided that they do not want long hair anymore. They view it as "babyish" and have decided that they want their hair shorter. We have gone back and forth on the issue, we have tried to compromise and that has worked for a while. But again, the issue was brought up. To my husband and I its the end of what we view our "perfect family" should look like. It is a hard thing to swallow, but as my husband put it tonight, we allow our children to express themselves in every other way. We encourage our children to pick out their clothes, often finding them in very interesting combinations of clothes.  We have endured the miss matched shoes, the plaid and stripe combos and my favorite the skirts with pants under neath...But clothes can be changed in a moment, When the family pictures need to be taken a simple wear this now, you can change when we got home is all that's necessary. But Hair? Hair is something that takes a while,, that isn't easily changed back and forth. So the question remains ~ to let them cut it, or not?

We opted to allow our girls to cut their hair. It would be hypocritical not to. And so for the first time since they where babies ~ A and K now have shoulder length hair. Its the starting of a new era here at the Aerni house. Our family photo will reflect a turning of the page and better still. It will be a reflection for us that life isn't exactly as you may have pictured it, but it still moves on. The best thing that you can do is smile...and you know we all will be. =)

When Mom is down and out...

When mom is down and out what are you going to do? Well when your a member of the Aerni home you suck it up, and call in reinforcements!

This last week we have been forced to do just that. A few weeks ago a Dr. visit gave me the news that I knew was coming. I was going to have to have a hysterectomy.. I am not one who likes to be taken care of ~ I am the one to take care of everyone else. But I know that this is something that I need to do, and it will be better off in the long run. So when I know I am going to be down, I call in the reinforcements. Who would I call? Well Grandma of course!

Grandma T is the lucky one who was able to come this time around. She lives in Texas but we are fortunate enough that she works for Southwest Airlines so getting up here to visit and help out isnt that big of a deal. All of the children love their Grandma T. They get to do fun things with grandma that mommy would never allow. Like banana splits, with chocolate, strawberries AND all three  flavors of ice cream. Grandma T has a love of shoes ~ one shared by K. So shoe shopping is almost always on the list of things to do. But Grandma T's main job while she is here is to force me to take care of myself. Yes I tend to be stubborn ~ I try and do too much too quick. But who can blame me? I have to make sure my family is cared for, thats my "job"' and I am not one to be a slacker. Grandma T is a huge help ~ she does everything that I would. So that really helps me. I dont feel the need to try and do it myself, a big help when you are trying to keep me down. Its  always helpful to have someone who can dive right in, and at least manage to tred water when it comes to keeping my family afloat. Not that I am one to gloat, but really having a large family is a different beast then most people are used to. It can be very over whelming to people. Most people have a  hard time balancing the needs of one or two people. But when you are having to balance the needs of 5 children, over whelming seems like a insignificant word to use.

Thankfully I get my love of large family from my mom. While my mom only had two children, our house was always filled with "extras". It was not uncommon for us to have a large number of people sitting around the dinner table nearly every night. I learned to cook to "feed an army" as the general rule of thumb was there better be enough for all who showed up. While the faces around the dinner table often changed, the fact that the seats around the table where almost always full always left an impression on me. Now in  my adult life, I am proud to say that I have done the same thing ~ my table while full with my own children. Is frequented by several others who refer to this as home too. No matter how full our table may be, there is always room for one more. =}

But even with being used to a full crew,  my 5 can be a handful for even Grandma T. The biggest difference is the twins. Having 2 babies who are still very much  dependent on you for everything is daunting. When people think of feeding time for a baby most figure 15-20 minutes tops. With twins? Try an hour at least from start to finish. You figure the twins get fed 3 meals a day, that's 3 hours a  day solely to prepare, feed, and clean up meal times, just for the twins. Doesn't count the older three kids or my hubby and myself! That's just feeding ~ add diapers, bottles, and of course keeping them entertained and out of trouble and most people are more then exhausted at the end of the day. There really  is a major diffrence with twins. Its not just "two babies" its so much more tiring then just "double everything". Its like running a marathon that never ends.

You do get used to it eventually, but it does take time. I am sure my mom is very thankful she is back at home now with her "kids" who are  still at home. (My mom is raising my cousins, and has been for the last eight years). Thankfully they are all older now and pretty much can care for themselves. I am sure of one thing, my mom will be very thankful for the sleep! I think she had forgotten what it was like to get up several times a night. =)

The Magic of Sprinkles

I am sure that every parent has used the bribery method at some point. "If you clean your room, we will go get ice cream!" I am sure is a phrase that has been used more times then can ever be counted. But why do parents use the bribery method? Its easy, because it wo
We have a "game day" tradition with our kids. After every game ~ win or loss ~ we go for ice cream to celebrate a game well played. So how do we reward our kids for being extra good on game day? With Sprinkles of course! Those magical multicolored globs of sugar have now symbolized how well our child has played the game. "I earned sprinkles today!" is a phrase that I love to hear. Not because my child will now bounce off the walls that much more. But rather it means that they are proud of an accomplishment they achieved. Even if its just a sprinkling of extra sugar that gave them that extra umph to do so.