A question of debate

I am not one to normally watch shows like "Toddlers & Tiaras" but there is a draw to it at times. I suppose its more of a morbid curiosity as to WHY mothers do the things they do to their children that they do on that show. You see kids having to be bribed into "practicing", forced into fittings and visits to the dentist for "flippers" because heaven forbid a child of age 6 not have all their teeth. There is no doubt that children like Eden Wood are very pretty little girls. Who wouldnt think that photos like these are pretty?

But to me these images are not of a little girl. These are images of a doll ~ little girls dont have perfect hair, little girls dont have perfect teeth...Pretty? Yes. Realistic? Nope....

What really bothers me is how "sexualised" these young girls are They are encouraged to wear "slutty" outfits, they are taught to "shake their tush"  to dance often times routines that could very easily be seen at the local strip clubs. To me thats disturbing. I find it sad that in today society things like breast feeding a baby is considered "poronographic" but dressing a child like this is found socially acceptable.

While the photos I am using are of Eden Woods, I am no way saying that she is the only one. The internet is flooded with these types of images. I chose Eden solely because she is one of the better known pageant girls. And while I agree Eden is one very pretty little girl, I often wonder exactly how much of it is her choice, as I do with many of the girls on this show. I also wonder how these young girls are going to be effected later in life. When Eden hits those teenage years, is she going to appreciate that her face is plastered all over the internet?

The "Joy" of taking kids to the store.

As many moms can relate I am sure, there is a typical sense of dread when you are faced with taking kids shopping. I don't care if you have one or twenty kids. There is the dread of lines, potential fits, the complaining, and dealing with the bordom as you shop to get the daily nessisittys. Now some moms, like myself, keep a pretty tight rein on their children in the store. Trying to impress upon the children safety, manners and proper behavior.

Then you have other parents who dont care how their child is behaving. There is always that one child, running a muck in the store. Hands all over the products, yelling, making messes of the displays ect. Often times this is the same child/children who are throwing fits in the checkout line because they want something and have been told no.Leaving the rest of the shoppers in the store, cringing at the high pitch squeals while the parents sit there oblivious to the discomphort of those around them.

Not that my children are perfect mind you. But I make it a point to ensure that my children are considerate of others. If I have a child who is behaving inappropriately I am not against just leaving. I have done it several times ~ and my children know I am not apposed to leaving. Not only will they not get anything special for a long time, but they will also be punished for forcing us to leave. (Often times an early bedtime and the threat of a tuna fish sandwich for dinner is enough to change their mind). I am quick to remove a tantruming child to the car ~ and have on more then one occasion been thanked by other patrons for doing so.

While I realise that every parent has a diffrent level of what they find "acceptable" when it comes to behavior. There are social norms that I do feel need to be stressed to children ~ even when they are young. For example when K "dances" while standing waiting for me to fill the cart with groceries. And I see her "kicks" and spins are disturbing others in the isle I point it out to her. Often times ~ she stops on her own after its pointed out she is disturbing others and that its not the time/place for that behavior. Now I find that my children point out to each other when they pick up on those very important social cues. To me its a sign I am doing my job correctly. My children are learning to think beyond themselves. 

The Christmas Season is now upon us

The Christmas season is now upon us. It is a time for most that is happy, joyful and fun. There is a magical feel during the Christmas season, when many children are reminded that they have to be good or Santa will not visit them. Its a magical time where children are children, their eyes sparkle with anticipation of the surprises that they know will arrive in such a short amount of time.


The Christmas season is a season of mixed emotions for me. Ten years ago I lost my father to a sudden heart attack on Christmas Eve. This is a bittersweet thing for me, My father LOVED the holidays. It was his favorite time of year. It gave him an excuse to set up his toy trains, the lights, the sounds and smells of Christmas where heavenly for him. It was one of the few times a year my father would go to church. I often went with him on these rare occasions.

One of our favorite holiday traditions was to go shopping on Christmas eve...Thats right my father and I would go to the mall on Christmas eve. Not to shop ~ but to people watch. My dad got a kick out of watching people scurring around trying at the last minute to find things for loved ones...We would laugh and comment between us about the crazy shoppers and try and guess the reason why they where so frantic...The guy at the jewelry store, middle aged. Obviously must be there to try and kiss up to his wife for SOMETHING he did right? The mom with kids in tow? Probably has her Inlaws showing up unexpectedly.....Yup we would guess and we would talk and have just loads of fun.

When my father passed I couldnt stand to look at anything Christmas. It would make me cry, and send me into total depression. Of course it has gotten better of the years. The thought that my fathers last views of this earth was him sitting in his chair next to the Christmas tree ~ used to make me bawl. Now I find comphort in it. Because Dad loved Christmas so...There are joyous things to remember now that help to ease the pain of losing my Dad. This Christmas will be the two year anniversry of Dave proposing to me. The twins will celebrate their first Christmas...and our entire family will be together. There is nothing that I would ever want more.

So this Chistmas season I am remembering my father. I am remembering the man who raised me as his own, who gave me the respect I have for "step parents" who willingly take on the roll of raising another persons children. This Christmas I am thankful that I can look at Christmas lights and smile...

I love you Dad and I miss you. ....

Happy Thanksgiving too all!

Just a note to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. As is traditional in our family we celebrated the holiday with lots of friends and family. Lots of food, good conversations and plenty of fun had by all. Tradition for us also states we go around the table and share what it is we are thankful for. Even the kids are expected to share, and they did an excellent job! I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday and stays safe!

What is family?

This time of year you hear many people who are thankful for their family. But who exactly do they mean? Do they mean just their spouse and kids? Maybe their moms, dads, in-laws? Aunts? Uncles? Exactly who is included under the title of "family"? In this day and age there are so many diffrent types of famlies. There are traditional famlies, with Dad and mom, siblings. There are some homes with Just one parent, some with two dads, some with two moms. In some cases grandparents are raising their grandchildren. In others an aunt or an uncle has taken on the challenge or raising children whos biological parents are unable to care for them. Then there are the homes and famlies that have no children ~ Either by choice or inablity to have them. Is blood or marriage the only way one gets dubbed as family? What about those friends who have been there through thick and thin? Who in many ways have been there when your "family" has not been? Are they family too?

For myself the answers are easy. My family is anyone I share blood with, anyone who shares blood with my children. Some find it odd, but this does include my "ex" in-laws. If you share blood with my kids, you are family. Period. Then there is those few select friends who "qualify" as family as well. The children are lucky enough to have several aunts and uncles who share not one drop of blood. It doesnt matter to them that Uncle Jason doesnt share DNA. What matters to them is that he likes to make them laugh, is always up for bear hugs and never fails to say hello. Or Aunt Judy ~ who is always full of hugs and kisses. Is a super fun baby sitter and cuts their hair just like they want it. These are things that they care about.

So this Thanksgiving when I hear people say "Im thankful for my family" in the back of my mind I know that they really mean "I am thankful for those who have touched my life in one way or another."

Whats so hard about it?

I get that not everyone feels the same way that I do about blended family's. I understand that when dealing with blended family's it can be a very hard thing as each one "blends" differently. Dave and I are very vocal and upfront about how we handle our family. Its quite simple ~ there is ZERO distinction between our kids. We expect the extended families to treat each child exactly the same. Wither there is a blood tie or not to them. Most our family "gets" that, and amazingly most are pretty good about following our "guide lines". Some however just don't get it, and truly it frustrates me. I hate having to "correct" family when I see them being unfair to the other kids. I'm sorry but I don't sit back and let people destroy the unity that we have created. We have one set of grandparents that are just now ~ nearly three years into our relationship ~ who are trying to understand it. Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to accept that while you share no blood with this person they are in fact family now? I don't get why it has taken so long either. Well I do ~ they refused to accept any part of our family until they had no other choice. But that is a topic for another day. Tonight these said grandparents came to visit. These visits are very testing for all of us ~ there is a lot of "bad blood" that we are trying to let go for the benefit of our children who do have attachments to them. While we are trying to do the right thing its so very hard sometimes. Especially when you are having to correct the grandparents behavior ~ and trust me they are VERY unwilling to change. I know it will get better with time...hopefully. But I have to try and be positive. Even when in truth I want to give them the boot and say that our children have more then enough people who love and care for them, and we don't need your bull!

The Season of Thanks

The leaves have all turned to wonderful oranges, yellows and reds. The kids are bundled in their coats at the bus stops. Their breath becoming more visible every day. Ahh yes, its time for the season of giving thanks. I love this time of year for several reasons, and hate it just as much sometimes. But it is the season of thanks and I have so much to be thankful for.
Of course I am thankful for my family most of all. We have had some very trying years lately. But we have made it through in one piece and stronger then ever. I am thankful for my Loving husband, a man who sometimes I wonder how he does it. Hes thoughtful and kind, pushes himself to the limits to try and make everyone happy.  He is one of those men that are truly one in a million. I am thankful for my "A". Such an amazing young lady who has a heart of gold. She always does her best, and even though she has so much to overcome in her life, she has stood up to the challenge. I love my big girl for the amazing young lady I see blossoming before my eyes. I am thankful for my "middle daughter"  "K", She always has a smile on her face. Loves to dance, and spin...and often times dance and spins her away around the house as she does her chores. She is a stubborn independent child ~ much like yours truly.. But she has a kind soul and very giving. I am thankful for my son "F". The boy knows how to test your patience but his smile and giggles are infectious...Hes a prankster and often times play jokes that make you roll your eyes. Hes very much like his father in that respect. I am thankful for the twins T1 and T2. Our little miracles. I have no clue how I got to be so blessed, but experiencing what I have with these two gives me an amazing view on life. If I can survive this..I can survive anything...=)